could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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