Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
