I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
