Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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