I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
