i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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