is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
