It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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