so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
