you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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