just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Blood and glitter go together right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
