My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i believe in u and ur pee
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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