I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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