Pappa wants mamma naked
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
