we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
