She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have post one night stand depression
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