I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
