I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
