Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize