I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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