There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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