Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
