I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
