I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
