so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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