did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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