At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
