i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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