you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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