I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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