Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
