I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
FUCK WHALES
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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