He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
