i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mom said you looked used
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
