I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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