he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
