How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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