I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
