But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I deserve this hangover.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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