Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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