Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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