do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
