What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
