dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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