I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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