**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
