His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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