Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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