I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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