My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
