dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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