WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
