I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
