After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
