New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
