so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
4 words: hood of his car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
