The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
