what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm, like, this π€πΌ close to buying crocs
And you're also π€πΌ to never putting your dick inside me again
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