dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
