i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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