i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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