I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
