brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
