Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Vodka?
Forever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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