After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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