Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just pee around me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
