She is in my trunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
