how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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