Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
