just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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