Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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