walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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