I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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