I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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