K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
