I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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