I faked an abortion last night.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
