my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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