walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize