all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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