I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
