You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
