Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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